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City GirlThanks to a generous client, I had a windfall this week – a gloriously thick envelope of vouchers from the yellow-bag haven that is Selfridges.

My attention to his portfolio hadn’t gone unnoticed or perhaps it was the “wily women ways” that I’d shamelessly employed to develop it. There was a ­moment, though, when I feared I might have blown it as I pushed him off after he attempted a garlicky after-lunch e­mbrace in the lift.

My euphoria at the thought of the pending shopping spree was short-lived, however, as I made the mistake of notifying my boss – as per company policy – about the “gift”. Sucking her teeth like Hannibal for chianti, she hissed, “fabulous, let’s shop”, and whipped the vouchers out of my hand.

In a flash we were cosied up in the back of a cab racing down Oxford Street.

The cab ride was spent trying to shove the fava bean-munching image from my mind as she yelled into her mobile like an Apprentice veteran.

At Selfridges I let myself down by asking about a “celebrity” perfume. The shop assistant was quick to tell me: “We don’t carry those types of sprays.”

And my boss let me know exactly what she thought by whispering “chav” as she marched off to the bag drop-off in the basement. It’s just a shame they don’t cater for the older, female brand of bag which I could have done with off-loading.

Fittingly, she ordered the trout in the restaurant, which provided me with a sniggering ­opportunity. Juvenile, I know, but she started it.

Agreeing to meet her in an hour I escaped up to the lingerie department and managed to grab a few frillies before she summoned me back.

When I arrived, she was wearing a pair of Crocs that looked like two giant Cornish pasties. Naturally I told her they looked “perfect”, and she bought three pairs while I patted my handbag lovingly.

Inside I had kept back some vouchers for a later date, when I was sure not to have any baggage.

Friday 29th June, 2007 posted by City Girl
Guest_SJ says: City Girl - yet another fabulous column. I just love your devious sense of humour, the mental images you create are divine. You go girl!
Friday 29 June 2007 17:23



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